I am a Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I
want. I've decided to marry my boat.
I am a Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon
of gas are obscene but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15%
isn't.
I am a Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of
spending the money I earn than I would.
I am a Democrat because freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is
offended by it.
I am a Democrat because when we pull out of Iraq I trust that the bad guys
will stop what they're doing because they now think we're good people.
I am a Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I
know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and
thieves.
I am a Democrat because I believe that people who can't tell us if it will
rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten
years if I don't start driving a Prius.
I am a Democrat because I'm not concerned about the slaughter of millions
of babies so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.
I am a Democrat because I believe that business should not be allowed to
make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest
away to the government for redistribution as IT sees fit.
I am a Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite The
Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get
their agendas past the voters.
I am a Democrat because my head is so firmly planted up my butt that it is
unlikely that I'll ever have another point of view.
